Oh dear. I'm late to dinner, aren't I? Fruipit here, with the extraordinarily late results of my Taang week challenge, issued back in May. Last year. I'm so sorry, the lateness is inexcusable – I'm hoping that the feedback makes up a little for it? :S Also, I feel like a terrible person, so there is that :)
Okay, for those of you who stumbled across this, back in May, I asked users on the wiki to write a single one-shot for Taang week (TophxAang). This was just for fun, although I promised those who participated that I would grade them and announce a winner. All that jazz. Here we are, approximately seven months after it closed, and I'm here with the results.
I have to say, before I jump right into it, that the talent on this wiki is absolutely exceptional. The users who tried this didn't seem to be challenged at all; these little stories are just that fantastic. Especially to those who don't normally write (Krazykid, I'm looking at you <(~.~;) ), the effort put in was absolutely brilliant, and it made me feel pretty good.
I feel it also needs to be reiterated, before I get to the scores, exactly what I'm scoring. Pretty much, there are five categories:
- How well you relate to the prompt
- Spelling/grammar/punctuation
- Length
- Style
- Genre
And, just for fun, closing thoughts that don't actually go to the 'score'.
They're pretty straightforward, with style and genre relying on what the author has originally stated it to be (is there romance, if it's marked romantic? What about perspectives, are they changing it all the time?) Easy. I could go on, but, you guys have waited long enough. Let's get to the scores!
..after the Avatar swallowed a few dumplings, she laughed and said, 'Ha ha, fooled you!' |
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Apostier's prompt was lies. While he did achieve it, I felt the set up and execution fell short. There was no reasonable explanation of why Toph would lie to Aang, and I felt that the lie (eating meat) was out of character; I don't believe Toph would lie to Aang over something that integral to his own sense of self - namely, his connection to his people through maintaining their customs. 4/10
There were no obvious spelling or grammar mistakes; the only sort of errors I could see were extremely minor punctuational issues, such as a missed comma. All in all, pretty good in that department. The few points I deducted were because of the lack of flow - the story jumped around a little too much. The best way to avoid this is to elaborate on the scenes and events leading up to the climax. 6/10
This fanon was very short, and I think that influenced how well it read. There was very little elaboration of events, and it was very focussed on the dialogue to move it forward. Just expand on the scenes - give the readers a little more to enjoy. 4/10
There was nothing particularly wrong with the style. It was pleasant and easy to read - the only shortcoming was the ending. 6/10
This story was labelled as 'comedy', however I didn't really see any of that in the story. I know it was the lie that was supposed to be humorous, but as I said above, I didn't feel that making fun of Aang's beliefs to be particularly comedic. 3/10
Just try and get a touch for the characters. They did rather well, until Toph's outburst at the end. I'm not sure how comfortable you were writing this, as it was your first fanfiction on the site. Just take a look at what you like to read, and try and write something you want to write. Final score: 4.5/10 |
Pure truth is found in the wandering mind. |
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Bray's prompt was 'lies' too, and he did a great job of it. He chose to use the definition of lying down, as opposed to telling an untruth, and t was central to the story on several levels, something I found rather refreshing. That being said, I found it a little too abstract within the story - Bray spoke of lying down several times, however it seemed to always be a triviality, while I had the feeling it could be so much more sentimental. 9.1/10
Almost perfect. I think I noticed one comma out of place, which led to a sentence being too long, and it threw me off a touch. Other than that, it was really good, and I only noticed the one. 9.5/10
Entirely appropriate for the content; I don't think that this story is too long or short for what he was trying to say. 10/10
Bray chose to do a rather flowing, poetic style. It was left fairly vague at the beginning, only to clarify what it was about in the middle before regressing back into ambiguity. I greatly enjoyed it, and I can tell that Bray did too. The only minor fault I had was there seemed to be just a few too many visuals, as it was told from Toph's perspective. That was it, and that's just me nitpicking. 9.5/10
In an odd turn of events, Bray decided to write something that tickled my fancy - angst. He did a remarkable job of it, considering how, well, not depressing he usually is, and I did appreciate the attempt. I read it and was disappointed in myself for not thinking of the idea myself! I felt myself on the verge of tears quite a few times, but I unfortunately just never quite got there. 8.3/10
The depressing, angsty stuff has always been my favourite, and Bray is absolutely brilliant at writing it. Keep broadening your horizons, because I know you could be awesome at any genre you put your mind to. Final score: 9.28/10 |
There was no more shame in a hug for the tough-as-nails Toph Beifong than there was for Aang to cry in front of her. |
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Krazykid's prompt was 'tattoos', however he ended up writing the longest one-shot out of the four, using each of the prompts within the story somewhere. I quite liked the idea and effort, and it didn't make the story difficult at all to read. Unfortunately, it did lessen the impact of his actual prompt (but only a little, as the organisation was superb, and he introduced it during the climax of the story). 8.7/10
There were no massive spelling errors at all in this story. Actually, I couldn't see any at all. I did notice a minor grammar/formatting thing, however I believe that's more regional; it was the having certain points of punctuation, such as periods and commas, within quotes instead of the outside. But, that was it. 9.9/10
Really long. Really, really long. There was a lot of substance, and it achieved the point of a one-shot – to tell a story within a single installment. Oh, and boy, was this a story. It was very easy to get into, however the powerful writing felt as though it was petering out several times, which made it a little harder to continue. All in all, though, a fantastic story, and well rounded. I didn't feel as though there was too much for a one-shot, or as though you had cheated me of some important interaction. '9.5/10
I loved this style. It was beautifully formal, and consistent – and after my interactions with the author, something I believe comes naturally to him. The language didn't feel forced at all, and he knew what words to use and when to use them. Fantastic job. 9.6/10
This is a little hard to grade, but I suppose that if 'forgiveness' is a genre, this would be it. As it stands, Krazykid chose 'drama', which I must say, I'm not very well-acquainted with. After consulting a dictionary, I felt as though that it a perfectly adequate one to describe the sort of story this would be, however I saw more friendship that dramatic events. It could also be considered highly introspective, as Krazykid has detailed the thought processes of both Aang and Toph, and kept them both in-character. 9.1/10
I want to see you write more. Doesn't matter who, what, when, where or why you write, just do it. You have an awesome talent, and I want to read more of it. Final score: 9.36/10 |
"I see two people who thought they couldn't have any more happiness in their life, only to find that they could make room for more." |
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The Walking Inferno's prompt was 'family', and he definitely achieved that. The whole story is based around familial relationships. He did a very good job of this, while still having the characters remain 'in-character'. There was no lack of his prompt anywhere. 10/10
There were several small issues regarding word placement and tense, however these were only very minor, and could be fixed up simply by leaving the story for a while, and editing after it isn't quite as familiar (or just investing in an editor/beta-reader). 9.1/10
Perfect. While reading this story, I wanted it to keep going on forever because it was so adorable, but looking back once I've finished it, it really stopped where it needed to. There was no resolution of the characters, however there was a conclusion to the story that fit the entire scene so well. 9.7/10
Not much to say here. This story wasn't overly poetic of formal; it was, on the surface, an average piece of literature. What honestly sets it apart was the thoughts shared by Toph. The Walking Inferno was very careful not to describe any visual-sensory details, even by having the characters speak of them. There was a lot of auditory and touch-based words that made the reader feel as though they were intruding on a special moment (particularly at the end, and another scene that I won't describe, but anyone reading the story will understand straight away). 9.8.10
'Comfort' was the author's chosen genre, and I actually had to spend a few moments figuring out why. This story seems much closer to the 'romance/friendship' genres that are generally the norm with 'shipping weeks'. Who was being 'comforted', and why? I had to deduct some points for this ambiguity, although once I figured it out, it seemed so simple. Aang was allowing Toph to understand that a family is happiness; he was was letting her realise that family was not about stifling one another or forcing them to do something they don't want to do. He was helping her get through the confusion of wanting something she never before believed she could – or would – want. So, in an abstract kind of way, the genre fits. 8.1/10
You said that the lighter stuff wasn't really your thing, but this was absolutely gorgeous. You showed a side to Toph not normally seen, however it did not make her out of character, or 'weaker' than the Toph of the TV series, and for that, I applaud you. This is a very 'feel-good' fic, and I know I'm going to go back and reread it occasionally. Final score: 9.34/10 |
Winner![]
Oh, Spirits. Let me tell you, choosing a winner was difficult. The scores were based on the writing, yes, however a story is more than just words, and really, mean nothing except that the writing is of the highest quality; not necessarily the story (although all the stories were outstanding). It is a feeling you get when you read it, and for this challenge, I honestly just had to go with my gut, because these brilliant authors are just that; brilliant authors. The story that won, though... there was something about this story that I just absolutely fell in love with, and has an element that I think, with a story like this, is so, so important. As strange as it may sound, it was tenderness. You've probably already guessed which one has my vote, but hold on, let's just... delve a little deeper into it.
While it's true that Toph Beifong isn't typically a 'tender' person, The Walking Inferno manages to give her that little feminine side without her losing her own character - something I admire greatly, as it is something not normally seen in the blind, snarky earthbender. The story shows immense character development within its 1,400 words, and is highly introspective, focussing on the resident earthbender. It doesn't do anything unnecessary - the story doesn't explain why Toph and Aang got together, or why he and Katara broke up. It doesn't give ages, or look too deeply into the past or setting. It's simply a moment in time that causes Toph to really think about who she is, what she means to the people around her – and what they mean to her – and where she wants her life to go. It epitomises everything a good one-shot should be, and it is one of my favourite stories, period. Thus, the winner of my little (very late) competition was The Walking Inferno, with his story, The Tiniest Heartbeat. I have read many (ie. most) of the Toph fics both here and on fanfiction.net, and this has to be one of the most well-crafted, honest, simple pieces it has ever been my pleasure to enjoy. Congratulations :) Even if you aren't a Toph-shipper, or a tender-loving person, everyone should read this story, because it is just what a one-shot needs to be, and what a story has to have. Spirit. |
I want to thank everyone who participated in this little project, and thank you for being so patient while I've been a terrible person and made you wait so long. I apologise – profusely – and hope you can forgive me. I loved reading these stories, and I can't wait for you to try your hand once again at another one-shot. This is Fruipit, signing off~!