Hi Avatar226 here and I'am here to review Sep0815's A Tale of Rebels. This test review is for the Fanon Review Squad and as such please do not take any offence if the review wasn't positive or what you were expecting.
If you have noticed I did the review on the same day I commented because I have been reading some of the story for the past two days.
Overview/ First Thoughts[]
A Tale of Rebels takes place during the time of Yangchen's predecessor. Its the tale of a boy named Senqok, a skilled swordsman and a master waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe. He travels to the Earth Empire, only to be captured by a group of rebels known as the Liberation Alliance. A group that strongly oppresses the rule of Earth Emperor Yi Ming, a ruthless tyrant who rules the Earth Empire. This is the story of how the Liberation Alliance rebel against the Earth Emperor and help bring peace to the world. This is indeed a tale of rebels!
Even though the story isn't finished, I read the released chapters. I had time to read all the chapters while dealing with the busyness of life. It left me hanging and I want more of the story.
The Scores[]
- Plot - 9.5 The plot was one of the things that amazed me the most. Humans were gifted with the ability of imagination and this is why I love fanfiction. Fanfiction allows you to mold a world into how you see fit and Sep0815 was clearly an example to this. Great Job Sep0815!
- Characterization - 8.5 The main reason for reduction was some characters weren't "original". I easily made connections with the Avatar Universe to your fanon such as Noki relating to Toph, Zoruka to Yue and Yi Ming to Chin. Noki was one of the "unoriginal" ones. She reminded me of Toph too much that she isn't unfortunately considered original. Another issue was Zoruka, In your description, you claimed she was serious yet friendly. I could feel that emotion when Zoruka's father was murdered. Ironically she decided to work for the one that killed her father.
- Action- 7.0 From the first chapter we get action, but your description of the fights isn't what I quite expected. Gust of air? Try to describe the fights a bit more so the readers could get a clear visual of the fight.
- Grammar- 8.5 The grammar was okay, no common errors but the one thing you really need to work on is your over usage dashes. There were at least 59 dashes in the first chapter. Dashes could sometimes make the sentence harder to follow. All in all, did a pretty good job.
- Believability- 8.5 The plot was pretty believable. I easily visualized the characters and the storyline in my head. Nothing wrong with the believability. you could have explicitly stated some questions that was left unanswered.
- Organisation- 7.5 The problem with this was the introduction, You could have introduce Senqok in the first chapter. But instead you started the story by him going to Omashu. It would be good if you could have added a prologue or a just a quick introduction to give us a feel of the main character. Readers need answer some questions in order to sink in to the story, for example who is the main character, whats the story? and especially for fanon, how is this story related with the Avatar Universe? Even though this is all stated on the main page, the first chapter is an introduction of the story, and by far the most important chapter of all. That's why Fanon writers work hard to introduce the characters and the plot before the actual story.
Overall Score- 8.37
Advice for Sep0815: The plot of the story really amazed me! you just need to work on your over-usage on dashes. But if you need help with your grammar, there is a whole community willing to help you out and all you have to do is ask. You can still improve on your weak points since your story isn't finished.
What I Enjoyed: I particularly enjoyed the plotline and its strong reference to historical events which helped me visualize the story. You creativity of combining the Avatar Universe and real historical events makes in fun and entertaining.
As I said before humans are gifted with imagination, our omnipotent imaginations allows up to conjure up things that entertain yourself or other people by making your own little world and sharing it with the power of words. The combination of imagination and literature can create the most dazzling stories and Sep0815 you have indeed made a dazzling story that was not only enjoyed by me, but by others as well.
Great Job Sep081!