Transcript:The Ember Island Players

[Episode begins at Ozai's home on Ember Island. Aang and Zuko are firebending.]

Katara: Doesn't it seem kind of weird that we're hiding from the Fire Lord at his own house?

Zuko: I told you, my father hasn't come here since our family was actually happy. That was a long time ago. It's the last place anyone would think to look for us.

Sokka: You guys are not going to believe this! There's a play about us.

Suki: We were just in town and we found this poster! [Sokka reveals promo poster for the play.]

Katara: What? How is that possible?

Sokka: Listen to this..."The Boy In The Iceberg" is a new production from acclaimed playwright Pu-on Tim, who scattered the globe gathering information on the Avatar, from the icy south pole to Ba Sing Se. His sources include singing nomads, pirates, prisoners of war, and a surprisingly knowledgable merchant of cabbage.

Suki: Brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island Players.

Zuko: Uggh! My mother used to take us to see them. They butchered "Love Amongst the Dragons" every year!

Katara: Sokka, do you really think it's a good idea to attend a play about ourselves?

Sokka: Come on, a day at the theatre? This is the kind of wacky time-wasting nonsense I've been missing!

[We move to night time at the theatre. Zuko sits next to Katara, to Aang's dismay.]

Aang: Hey, uhhh...I wanted to sit there.

Zuko: Just sit next to me. What's the big deal?

Aang: I was just, I wanted to...OK.

Toph: Why are we sitting in the nosebleed section? My feet can't see a thing from up here!

Katara: Don't worry, I'll tell your feet what's happening.

[The play begins. Actress Katara and Actor Sokka are rowing in the South Pole. Katara and Sokka are initially thrilled to see themselves.]

Actress Katara: [Sighs] Sokka, my only brother! We constantly roam these icy south pole seas, and yet never do we find anything fulfilling!

Actor Sokka: All I want is a full feeling in my stomach! I'm starving!

[Audience laughs. Sokka and Katara look at each other, confused.]

Actress Katara: Is food the only thing on your mind?

Actor Sokka: Well, I'm trying to get out of my mind, and into my mouth! I'm starving! [Audience laughs.] Sokka: This is pathetic! My jokes are way funnier than this!

Toph: [Laughs] I think he's got you pegged!

Actress Katara: Every day, the world awaits a beacon to guide us, yet none appears! Still, we can not give up hope! For hope, [begins to cry] is all we have! And we must never relinquish it, even to our dying breath! [Cries.]

[Sokka chuckles.]

Katara: Well, that's just silly. I don't sound like that.

Toph: Oh man! This writer's a genius! [A light shines on stage, and the "iceberg" appears.]

Actress Katara: It appears to be someone frozen in ice, perhaps for 100 years. But who? Who is the boy in the iceberg? [Aang smiles.]

Actress Katara: Waterbend! Hi-yah! [Karate chops the ice.]

[Actress Aang appears. Aang is shocked.]

Actress Katara: Who are you, frozen boy?

Actress Aang: [Laughs] I'm the avatar silly, here to spread joy and fun!

Aang: Wait, is that a woman playing me? ["Appa" appears on stage.]

Actress Katara: [Gasps] An airbender! My heart is so full of hope, that it's making me tearbend! [Cries] Actor Sokka: My stomach is so empty, that it's making me tearbend! [Cries] I need meat!

Actress Aang: But wait, is that a platter of meaty dumplings?

Actor Sokka: Ooh, where, where?

Actress Aang: [Laughs] Did I mention that I'm an incurable prankster?

[Audience laughs.]

Aang: I don't do that! That's not what I'm like! And I'm not a woman!

Toph: [Laughs] Oh, they nailed you, Twinkle Toes! [Laughs]

[A Fire Nation ship, led by Actor Zuko and also featuring Actor Iroh, appears on stage.]

Actor Iroh: Prince Zuko, you must try this cake!

Actor Zuko: I don't have time to stuff my face, I must capture the Avatar to regain my honor!

Actor Iroh: Well, while you do that, maybe I'll capture another slice. [Stuffs his face.]

Actor Zuko: You sicken me!

Zuko: They make me look totally stiff and humorless.

Katara: Actually, I think that actor's spot on.

Zuko: How could you say that?

Actor Iroh: Let's forget about the Avatar, and get massages!

Actor Zuko: How could you say that?!

[Scene moves to the Southern Air Temple. Actress Aang is searching, and finds "Momo"'s tail.]

Actress Aang: Hey look, I think I found something!

["Momo" is actually a rabbit-monkey puppet.]

Actress Aang: It's a flying rabbit monkey! I think I'll name him Momo! [Laughs]...[Using puppet:] Hi everybody, I love you!

Aang: Uggh.

[Scene moves to the events of The Warriors of Kyoshi. Actress Suki is "practicing", when Actor Sokka appears in the Kyoshi Warriors' uniform.]

Actor Sokka: Does this dress make my butt look fat? [Audience laughs, as does Suki. Sokka gives her an embarassed look.]

[Scene moves to the events of The King of Omashu.]

Actor Bumi: Riddles and challenges you must face, if you are ever to leave the place!

[Actress Aang is facing the "challenges".]

Actress Katara [Being covered by the "jennomite"]: Uggh! Oh!

[Katara gives a disgusted look.]

[Scene moves to the events of The Waterbending Scroll. The "pirates" appear and attack "Team Avatar", who slip away.]

Actor Sokka: Why did you have to steal that waterbending scroll?

Actress Katara [Crying]: It just gave me so much hope!

[Scene moves to the events of The Blue Spirit. Actress Aang was captured by Actor Zuko.]

Actor Zuko: The Avatar is mine! Wait, who's coming?

Blue Spirit: I am the Blue Spirit, scurge of the Fire Nation, here to save the Avatar!

[The Blue Spirit "defeats" Actor Zuko and the "guards".]

Actress Aang: [Jumps on top of the Spirit.] My hero!

[Blue Spirit walks off stage.]

[Zuko and Aang give an embarassed look at each other.]

[Scene moves to the events of Jet. A stagehand is using a crank to bring them down.]

[Actress Katara and Actor Jet appear, Actress Katara cries.]

Actor Jet: Don't cry, baby! Jet will wipe out that nasty town for you! [The town is "wiped out".]

Actress Katara: Oh Jet, you're so bad.

[Both exit.]

[Katara appears embarassed. Toph laughs.]

[The scene now moves to the team traveling over The Great Divide.]

Actress Aang: [Gasps] It's The Great Divide! The biggest canyon in the Earth Kingdom!

Actor Sokka: Ehhh, let's keep flying. [The next scene moves to the Northern Water Tribe. A stagehand drops fake snow on stage. Actor Sokka and Actress Yue appear.]

Actor Sokka: Don't go, Yue! You're the only woman who has taken my mind off food! [Kisses Yue.]

Wait, did you have pickled fish for dinner?

Actress Yue: Good-bye, Sokka! I have important moon duties to take care of! [Exits on the "moon".] And yes, I did have pickled fish!

Suki: [Laughs] You never told me you made out with The Moon Spirit.

Sokka: Shhh! [Tearing up.] I'm trying to watch!

[Actress Aang appears as the "Ocean Spirit", holding a doll of Zhao in his hand and defeating Fire Nation "ships".]

Actress Aang: [Laughs] The Avatar is back to save the day! Yay!

[Curtain drops. Audience and Toph laugh. All the other characters appear disgusted.]

Aang: UGGH!!!